before you have sex with me you have to earn it
take these two potatoes and this goat and bring them to the river valley where you will meet an old gypsy named madam zeroni. carry madam zeroni back up the mountain on your back and allow her to drink from the stream while you sing for her. she will give you a necklace of beads. return them to me to complete the quest.
i have two moods:
- touch me
- don’t touch me
i thought i left my ipod in the theater so we went back to look for it and i couldn’t see so i turned on my ipod to give me some light so i could find my ipod do u see where this is going because i did not
aw lucky i wish i had two ipods
*presses clear button on calculator 12 times*
I came downstairs and thought my dog’s leg had fallen off or something
why dog blue
John Oliver talks to gun lobbyist Philip ‘Gun Control Doesn’t Work’ Van Cleave. This was an incredible segment. His logic is shot to Hell.
if you want to find the biggest asshole at a party, leave a acoustic guitar out
‘i don’t know if you’ve heard of this one’ *opening chords to wonderwall*
New Pope, new me :)