I can’t even pretend like I can listen to this without laughing.
OH MY GOD I CHOKED
whAT IS THIS IM CRYAING
This is the theme song to my life.
A for effort
i know i just reblogged this, but i had to again….IT GENIUS
OMFG NOT AGAIN MY EVERYTHING HURTS
hi this is me reincarnated into song form
THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE.
This put a smile on my face after I was in a bad mood
is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me
it’s a banana?
why do you have a banana in your pocket
instead of moaning , inform him that Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.
i dont think my parents realized their kid was growing up to be a over-emotional sarcastic asshole thats addicted to the internet
out of his container
it’s ice cream
My parents were watching Ellen and my dad called me into the room so they could both laugh at me about this
(via/follow The Absolute Funniest Posts Blog)
Can we just stop and appreciate Nicki Minaj’s face for a moment. She looks genuinely very concerned for Josh here, like she thinks he was actually in an arena full of kids trying to kill him, and is confused as to why no one else finds this as shocking as she does.
What do you expect? People from the Capitol just don’t understand.
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? PEOPLE FROM THE CAPITOL JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND.
blogging in front of your parents
Lmao. That’s Not Tumblr. That’s MineCraft ahhaha Nooooob lmao
I got literally hundreds of hate messages for this comment
I AM FUCKING SCREAMING BECAUSE THIS IS SERIOUSLY THE BEST THING EVER
You have your mother’s cheek bones
godDAMMIT NOW WE’RE SHIPPING CUTLERY
TUMBLR YOU NEED TO S T O P
I hope this post comes back to me when it has a short story attached.
The Utensils were a happy family, just like any other. Fork was a loving, caring father, who worked at a bank, and Spoon was his beautiful wife, who owned a small business that allowed her to spend a lot of time with their son, Spork. Every day, when Fork came home from work, he gently clinked against the rim of Spoon’s face and asked how her day had been. She would go on and on about how her Aunt Bowl was letting anyone fill her up these days, and telling him he would never guess who they got a phone call from today (it was his brother, Knife), and he would just lean back against the china cabinet, staring at his wife’s beautiful reflective surface, and know everything was right in the world.
One day, however, everything was suddenly not right in the world at all.
Fork woke up in the silverware drawer and instantly knew something was wrong. He looked over to where Spoon normally slept, confused when he saw nothing but empty space. Or, at least, he thought it was empty. It took him a minute to see the small note left there. Oh no. God, no, he thought.
He picked up the note with shaking prongs, and read amid tears:
I’m sorry to leave you like this, but I just couldn’t face seeing you. It’s too painful. I’m not strong enough to tell you this to your face, and I know that makes me a coward. I know that makes me a horrible utensil. But I can’t do this anymore.
Do you remember Cow’s party the other night? The night she was so drunk she swore she jumped over the moon? Well, I met someone that night. His name is Dish. And we’re running away together.
Please, don’t try and find us. Dish makes me happy. He doesn’t spend all day staring at me, looking at himself in my reflection.
Fork collapsed to the ground, wishing he could tell Spoon that the reason he loved staring at her reflective surface so much, was because of the way her surface magnified everything around her, making it seem so much greater and more beautiful than people could see themselves as normally. Her personality did the same thing. It’s what he loved most about her. And what he would miss most of all.
I CAN’T EVEN WITH THIS FUCKING SITE.
sweet jesus i’m crying over cutlery
things like this make me happy i have a tumblr
when people say they like a band but dont know the drummers grandmas maiden name